Self Worth

While I somber past the trickle of bygone years
I am remiss but still I walk this trail of  lonely tears
But I will not fail to uphold this new code and standard
For it is my own blood I so mistakenly slandered
And while this path of torture and faith was ground shaking
The change of my soul was fated to be an undertaking
And it has left me humble with but only a small pride
I am not whole but healed and I am my strongest guide

Know Thyself

Shattered thoughts and the vacant stare
Lends a lost ear to the dreamers dare
To conceive, deceive and ultimately believe
In the morsels of truth to which we cleave
Conceive
Conception is the jest of a forked tongue
The spoken lies mistranslated through pun
Knocks at the door of the deaf and dumb
The heart opens to the one who must succumb
Deceive
Strolling into the inner sanctum we find the thief
Head down and smiling as the innocent give relief
The dreamer wickedly gives that old familiar laugh
As she watches them worship their golden calf
Believe
Forgiveness is for the sake of those that are lost
But the found may not find redemption at any cost
The found are shamelessly clawing at their own skin
And the sinner will always come back for the sin

Its just a question of who, where and when

Reflections

The morbid shadow of my waking lie
Stares vacantly at me with pure devotion
With no time to ponder the question why
I close my eyes and deny all emotions
And then I imagine a dreadful tremor
Lurking and sulking down deep within
Violently shaking as man turns to glimmer
I become lost between beauty and sin
Without a whimper I reach into the pool
And grabbed the essence of my decayed lie
For I will not be the reflection of this ghoul
Let him hide behind the pane of glass and cry

Soul Unleashed

From my very first drawl of air
I felt it and as I became aware
I realized this thing said prayers
And it left my heart full of despair

My Brain Tumor

Malignatly
Yours

Biopsy
Radiation
Awestruck
Indefinitely
Nuclear

Timeless
Undertow
Morbidly
Omnipotent
Raw

AVN of the Hip

Anguish
Varying
Absolutely
Stagnant
Ceaselessly
Unrelenting
Languished
Aggravated
Rite

Needless
Everlasting
Corruption
Real
Omniscient
Struggle
Isolated
Sad

Obsolete
Failure

The
Horror
Ends

Hard
Insuring
Purity

Faith Lives But For How Long

Faith Is
Alive And
Idol But
Thrashing And
Heavenly Proved

Faith

Frail
Alive
Idolized
Thrashing
Heavenly

The Soul Of Dade

I awake just to hear your dreadful voice

And as you grimly speak I become lost

For I fear the method of our choice

Your life languished in pain is my cost

But I did hope a truce could be found

And that we would no longer need a sign

Our restless spirit could finally abound

And in that day a light would truly shine

But no, I stand and you pull me down

I walk and you draw me into a crawl

And in pity we find the time to drown

You carve these words upon our wailing wall

I do not believe a truce can be found

And I forsake all of your spiritual signs

For my restless spirit will have its crown

And in that day the darkness will be mine

Your reflection is a constant reminder 

That I cannot escape the finality of me

I am the firm rebuke, I am the finder

And of our voices, I am the last decree

Some Live But Never Live

The pains of life is lost within the bones
Wash your hands but its never truly gone
The hurt will find the time to come calling
We live long enough to view the appalling

Family Ties

Knowingly touched again
Always left to wonder why
Emotions have to be feigned
Humbling it is to love a lie
Nothing but a betrayal
Tender like soulful art
Sorrow is the portrayal
Of my wounded heart

The missing Link

Loyalty is a common misconception
A lie boldly taught at our inception
While we're unable to see deception
The lie digs into our own preconceptions

The Smile of God

The lovely innocence of a child
That warms the cold, lost heart
Is a gift for the meek and the mild
That only a God could impart

Death

In the great passing moments of old
When the dark day was grim and long
And the brightest night was still cold
The weary people sang a dreadful song
Of a tall, dark stranger dressed in black
And the sadness held within his dark eyes
His life stolen and never to be given back
The old ones say he is death's disguise

Gods Gift is the Night

The day dies slowly as the moon rises high above
And while I can't hardly wait for the blessed night
For I have scampered to and fro in search of kind love
God created darkness to find peace from the light
I close my eyes hoping just to escape this hard life
While pain and anguish slowly seem to melt away
Bliss settles like morning mist to hide the days strife
Here in the world of dreams I am lost to the sway
In this realm I can be a hero, villain or a goodly king
I rob banks, save a thousand lives or kiss the queen
I can do all of this without moving one rusted bed spring
But alas the night ends with birds chirping to a sunlit scene

Men Like We

Men like we have to tow the damn line
And the cost of it might not matter at all
We don't sit idly by waiting for a sign
And we jump when you choose to fall
Men like we act without thought of our life
And we don't have the luxury of your luck
We don't think twice about life and its strife
We like to solve problems with 00 Buck
Men like we take all your shit with a smile
We will take that flack because we can
And its us you need to go that extra mile
Our creed is very simple, I am a man

To my Love

Hello my darling wife, I am thankful for you
The brain tumor, Avn of the hip and depression
I was all but lost and it was you that I turned to
You have enriched my life, that is my confession
When my life slowly crumbled to the ground
And the past caused small beads of faith to drip
You dried my tears and would not let me drown
Our love has never allowed me to lose my grip
You have been there through the ups and downs
And before you my dear, I was nothing but a boy
That is until I saw you in a beautiful flowing gown
I became a man and you have always been my joy
It has been ten years of unrelenting pain for me
But you bring happiness when tears come to my eyes
And my conditions may bring me to my knees
But I know you will always be there to help me rise

Aliens Unalienated

Our universes parallel and we are the same
Why are we able to speak to one another
Where may I hope to place this ungodly blame
You call it a gift but it is my horrible curse brother
And there are days when I wish I could fly
But then again, you already knew that about me
Heroes like the two of us can live but never die
Don't you see my good friend I long to be free
The connection we share should be rent in twain
Our worlds are safe and you still have the joy of her
I'm losing my mind and your love is my pain
That dreadful day is a memory that never blurs
You got to keep yours but my love is just thought
And when you talk to yours, I can hear her voice
That beautiful parallel sound of hers is all I've got
This should not be yours alone, its our choice
And yes I know, one day we may be needed again
But when you kiss her, I can taste my loves lips
I am held a prisoner of fates lonely desperate chains
In 20 days those chains will break at the total eclipse
You may know me no better than I know you
But we have both wished that we could soar so very high
And on the day of our death we shall see a glorious view
To end this, one of us must fall but both shall die

A Marine's Tale of Courage

There are those that choose to live and die
And most of them are lost in a long story
Without ever asking the question.....why
They just tow the line, real men of glory
That protect the innocent from the unkind
They do not do this job for fortune or fame
Its done for the oath and their peace of mind
For God, family and my country they exclaim
And to the naysayers they reply, soldier up
Become a tried gear in the green machine
Bleed war and drink greedily from deaths cup
Stand tall and proudly proclaim, I'm a Marine

Wired Zombie

I slowly awake with the memories of you
Desperately I hide my eyes from the light
But still I am unable to shake off the blues
I have been purified through the ancient rites
And as I stand up to dust off the old dreams
I feel eyes searching for hope within my soul
I see you there but I can't hear your screams
There was a time when I had total control
But now I live and breathe to please another
My death shrouds are saturated in torment
The flames of his desire can't be smothered
Creeping and stalking without natures consent
I belong in the cold ground but still I stand
I am the undead blight of another mans will
I smell blood and await my masters command
As my mind slips away I realize, tonight I will kill

Will Chapter 2 Verse 1

Boy, clean your filthy, dirty room
Or I shall lose my frigging temper
You know how to clean I presume
No, all you can do is sob and whimper
I suppose its why your family left you
It's because you are a dirty sissy boy
You may be smart and that will do
For I will pull your strings my little toy
I'm small and afraid but I am also smart
And yes I am alone but never lost
I will find some way into her heart
I will make it here no matter the cost

Will Chapter 1 Verse 5

Its night time and I am ready to sleep
I fall upon my knees and I thank God
For the pictures that they let me keep
I'm sorry Father I'm just a bit flawed
I've been put out here on my own
Left to walk the road without a soul
No one knows where love has gone
And I often wonder will I ever be whole
I am sorry Father for only thinking of me
But why did my family leave me here
Stand my son and let these problems be
Stop your weeping and lose your fear
You are compassionate, loving and kind
Your family loves you but are lost as well
And everyone just needs time to unwind
So close your eyes and let your love swell
I am living in a boarding home without care
Its hard to except the truth at the age of ten
I feel so angry, alone and always scared
But Lord I trust you, In Jesus name Amen

Will Chapter 1 Verse 4

I wake to find my tender heart still beating
My young body cannot, no will not move
Fear creeps in fast and I feel like retreating
But I will not because I have something to prove
Time trickles down to a mind numbing crawl
And as I struggle to pry open my tired eyes
I realize I am just a child, weak and small
Cold fingers twitch but still I cannot rise
My skin awakens with the sound of a voice
That moves across me like a horde of flies
Strange words fall on deaf ears for I have a choice
The hatred of it drips onto me like unkind lies
I scream aloud but no one can hear my pleas
My eyes flutter open and I can finally see
But the icy denial causes my blood to freeze
The voice chants and there is nowhere to flee
Memories pierce the soul with quite trickery
And my young mind is shocked and reeling
I'm lost in transient thoughts of love and misery
All while I lose my gracious sense of feeling
People from the past and the present, all mourners
I call out to them but sound does not escape my lips
As darkness creeps towards me from every corner
Fear claws at my inner core with a desperate grip
With all the will I can summon I call out a name
Lord help me, release me from this evil sight
Instantly the weight was removed from my delicate frame
The day was mine but was I able to comprehend this new light

Will Chapter 1 Verse 3

I awoke from a night fraught with tears
I am beaten and removed from myself
The man child has been baptized in fear
And knows of nothing but frailty itself
Unknown voices lash out from the light
Calmly I stand and look upon the face
That holds my little body so utterly tight
Please, please grant me thy saving grace
With gritted teeth I hold my head down
This lady of age likes to feel empowered
For now I will allow her to hold the crown
But one day her soul will be devoured

Will Chapter 1 Verse 2

The child holds the blessed gun

He cries softly and wonders why

He is alone and loved by no one

Who would care if he were to die

So the child paces around the room

Thinking about the love of his gun

And the abuse that led to his doom

His new caretakers have just begun

To play their games of madness

And he doesn't have much ammunition

How will he overcome this sadness

With gun to his head in final admonition

He pulls the trigger and frees his mind

But the gun is just a picture of his kin

They gave him to creatures of the grind

So I burned the pic with the will of a grin

Tina My Lovely Star

Starlight please don't cry tonight

Dry those tears and close your eyes

Starlight we will leave the bright

And find love within the darkest sky

Starlight please hold on for a while

You bring me joy within your shine

Starlight let me see your lovely smile

So I will know that you are truly mine

Will Chapter 1 Verse 1

Father God gave me a soul to save

And the Holy Ghost gave me a voice

Jesus gave me life after the grave

But my will gave me the final choice

Pain Chapter 5 Verse 5

I have cried my very last tear

And now I only weep in dreams

Since I have nothing left to fear

I forsake life and live in a scream

2,629,740 minutes of my shame

1,825 days of a will about to wane

260 weeks of bone grinding pain

5 years, the blight has has its reign

I die a thousand times in the rain

But I shroud my mind with faith

Begging God to release my chains

For I am a former shell, I am a wraith

2,629,740 minutes of the grind

1,825 days of waiting for peace

260 weeks of losing my mind

5 years, I have begged for release

It hurts to even move my hands

I've repented to my last breath

And Lord, I will do as you command

But I am, I have cried and I await my death

The Anger of a Just God

I am he who is without name or water
I care not for the lilies or the idea of mercy
I am the great I am of all your slaughter
I point the finger to you and your heresy
I tried to teach you about love and trust
I saw you kill my carpenter and my ghost
I loved you but balance the scales I must
I will herd my dear lambs to the fiery roast

Sober

This day my sober mind is troubled and reeling
Seconds gain power as moments in the mind
I've lost the eye of three and a sense of feeling
But my thoughts are explosive for I am confined

As I Shit

As I shit I often sit and wonder why
My bones are broken down oh so tired
And my eyes will bleed out but never cry
My heart beats slower for I am expired
I laugh hard even as I hurt within the strain
Heavily pushing but still no nuggets or pearls
I live for the moment and leave no stains
Young. broken and lost within the mighty swirl
Be glorious with our small amount of time
And blame no one for the crime you wrought
Free yourself from hate and open your mind
Lastly remember shit or get off the pot

An American Warlock's Jest

Meth infused capillaries fuel my beating chest
They flip the electric switch but I did not cower
I defy gravity and scream in agony,I am the jest
Electricity and meth fuse and I become a power
The rusted springs and chains let loose and bust
With my second chance I rip the wings from the fly
And I kill the flea with one well aimed knife thrust
I stomp them down with my boots and look to the sky
As I give the enchantment I reach for my bag of dust
I take pleasure in the ritual as I give fire to the spoon
I corrupt thy dreams but my enemies will not awake 
Till morning comes it is thy dreams that I shall take 
And I will leave in place this hellish dark nightmare
 But rest in peace my enemy until after you are scared

With the spell complete I become a drain to your drip

But as the room turns dark I see the shadowed hands

If enemies of mine they shall turn to dust within my grip

As they take me I realize I am but a grain of sand 
They have my spoon and wand but I am a man driven
Beyond a little life of fact, fiction or illusions
And they are late for in this hour a victor has risen
I am he who is to devour you and your petty delusions

Shadowed Hell

Somewhere under the starry night
Shadows move like deaths blight
Deviously fast and unseen by most
Sometimes they can get too close
With ghastly claws they reach out
And scratch at my wits as I shout
But the sinister glimmers fade away
Just in time for the birth of a new day

Loves Clutch

My soul catches fire within her touch
She is the one good choice I ever made
I was snared by deaths lonely clutch
She took the oath and never betrayed
Death was consumed and I am in tears
For I am still alive and greatly in love
With a wild eyed vixen who holds my prayers

The Tree of Me

Life is young and I am the small seed
But I can grow into a mighty oak tree
That shows mercy and love in my deeds
Will my fruits of labor feed others for free
Life is hard and I am a little leafy bud
But can my roots grow deep and strong

The Love of a Woman

Why must I feel this way
Can u make the pain go away
I just want one peace filled day
I am lost and alone in the sway
I can't give anymore of my heart
And today I want to come apart
But my wife's love is glorious art
And each morn I receive a fresh start

U with the Voice and Me without a Kiss

Love has blissfully fell upon my ear
As words dripped from her lips to lust
Eyes wander to and fro for the sincere
Lovers that never meet is most unjust

The Infinite Humanity of Man

I reach out for the glory of a saint
But my wings are stained and torn
I could be a holy man if I had restraint
But alas my soul is tainted and worn
It seems I fall into empty temptations
Where evil is inflicted upon my mind
My good heart is lost in translation
Innocence is a trait held by the blind
I could hold out for the love of hope
If only I could remember how to sing
Can time teach me what it is to cope
Or maybe I could buy cleaner wings

Father Where have ya Been

Father where have ya been
As the darkness crawls over me
Your light could of cured my sin
But ya never heard my pleas

You don't have to lie to me
The little lie within the liar is thee
Go ahead and try to lie to me
I lie no more for I am free

A thousand hands wash over me
I laugh as I become a disease
I look in the mirror and finally see
That you and me will never be


You don't have to lie to me
The little lie within the liar is thee
Go ahead and try to lie to me
I lie no more for I am free


I smile through the beautiful lies
But live within the crooked grin
Blue skies reveal tear less eyes
And a life of pain cradled within


You don't have to lie to me
The little lie within the liar is thee
Go ahead and try to lie to me
I lie no more for I am free

I'm a child that's been beat down
I'm the man who got kicked around
I've been hit and I've been laid out
But I'm still here and dying to shout


You don't have to lie to me
The little lie within the liar is thee
Go ahead and try to lie to me
I lie no more for I am not free

Never say Goodbye to the Blues

Well it's sure nuff a beautiful rain
All along my damned dirty grey
And the bright sun just came to stain
The dreariness of my downed day
Ya know that's when I come to life
I pray and dance in the great water
To wash away all of today's strife
Until the sun brings back the slaughter

Rain Rain Come Again For Today

My it is a beautiful rain
All along the broadened grey
And the sun just can't stain
The dreariness of a great day
The people all come to life
To dance in the great water
And wash away all the strife
Until the sun brings back the slaughter

Forgive Us

Life is beyond fact, fantasy or fiction
And lying makes the threat very real
But what are we without conviction
Just ordinary people without appeal
Now we shall lose our taste and touch
For we can't keep refusing the rights
Weaknesses hold us up like a crutch
Open your eyes before we lose the light

Pain Chapter 5 Verse 4

I am the child without a father
Who will help me become a man
Will anyone even want to bother
Who will help me with all my plans
You were so alone when you left
I still cry when I hear a bell chime
Most didn't noticed but we all wept
Your estranged daughter found time
To come and say her last goodbyes
She's pretty this new sister of mine
She has your smile and even your eyes
And don't worry mom will be fine
Who will I turn to for the answers
I know I am 28 but I am still lost
When will we have a cure for cancer
I'll make you proud no matter the cost

Pain Chapter 5 Verse 3

My time is a drain and I'm in the slow drip
One where I and my sanity has lost its grip
We shout a kiss and cry out to no avail
I bleed without color and breathe in hell
I dream for just a minute without drama
But I know I'm hurt and in some real trauma
Today doctors don't get paid in dreams
And by nightfall I lead the scream regime
So I light the pipe and ignite the green rights
And I await my last rites as I take in the blight

Pain Chapter 5 Verse 2

Everything is dead now but the pain
All thought is vanquished by the flame
Its a steady pounding, eye gouging thud
I drift alone inside of this painful flood
People are noticing and I am so tired
I feel so out of date like I am expired
No one can explain this or my poor sight
And now I find my step dad died last night

Pain Chapter 5 Verse 1

Like a jagged knife in my chest
My girl has an unkind request
She wants me to give up dope
Quit all drugs and live on hope
Icy sweat trickles down my spine
If I live by the rules she'll be mine
Or live like swine without my girl
Well now do I twirl, whirl or hurl

Pain Chapter 4 Verse 5

I love her in every possibly way
She is funny, smart and a little fey
We've dated a couple of season's
And my emotions have no reason
But the pain in my head won't cease
And God has no plans of release
I snort meth and drink with the bulls
She knows the trigger she has to pull
And she is capable but not quite ready
For our relationship is new and unsteady
She loves me too and hates the damn gun
But she knows something has to be done

Pain Chapter 4 Verse 4

I have lived through many years of abuse
Smoked the finest kill to chill the blues
And still the dreaded memories let loose
Live or die is the mantra I had to choose
There's a pain in my head and its too much
Maybe death is finally giving me his soft touch
I met a goddess and I only want to praise her
My eyes have turned bad for she is just a blur
 I like her but my head is about to hemorrhage
She is so cute and that gives her all the leverage
I'm tired all the time and my eyes are about to pop
I got high to cope but now I want the pain to stop
I went out with her and she gave me a kiss
My past vaporized and in her I know only bliss

To Love or Not To Love

I don't know why
She can only mention love at midnight
Or where she wonders off to in the twilight
But the birds and the bees can never teach
How to touch the heart that's out of reach
I don't know why
She shy's away when I try to hold her tight
Or why her heart saddens before morning light
But the birds and the bees only chirp and hum
And no matter how much I try we never become
I don't know why
She believes in the danger of love at first sight
Or what I can do to make everything alright
But the birds and the bees will buzz and sing
And our love will flourish or just be a fling

A Wild Tale of Courage

Now and then freedom is bought with a bang
And like I said before son AWOL is treason
Semper Fidelis do or die but my men will not hang
So turning from the sea and the madness of reason
I find a new position perched high upon a cliff
And my M1903 A4 Springfield is their best hope
I quoted the general orders especially the fifth
I see my target through the cross hairs of my scope
On three the trigger will pull and the blood will run
My boys will react and our hands will drip the gore
But my Marines will make it home to see their sons
For we are men and we are good to the corps